Archive for the “Relationships” Category
 As Above so Below: Courtesy Studio 4 Gallery 2009 What if I really took complete responsibility and accepted that I am the chief architect in creating and holding in place everything that is going on in my life, good, bad or indifferent? What if I truly begin to believe that the state of my consciousness is the most powerful influence to change that? What if I also acknowledged that there are stuff (people, situations, conditions) in my life that fall in categories ranging from ‘oh-I-don’t-really-care-for-that’ going all the way down to ‘I-hate-that’ and ‘that-must-be-squashed-killed-driven-out-banished-from-my-life’? What if I took to heart that I purposely put those things there, so I could evolve on a fast track?
Would my life look different? Feel different? Something to ponder upon, really. I did.
I noticed that Johnny Doolittle with whom I have been really mad for what feels like a century, because he is sooooo negative, downright lazy and will of course never ever change, is now winking at me with the question dancing in the air ‘have you ever been lazy and negative? And have you forgiven yourself for it?’
And that job that I reluctantly drag myself to every Monday morning (gotta pay my bills, you know), the one that suffocates me with the deadlines, timelines, reviews and my monster boss breathing down my neck? Why did I put that there? My inner guide descends from some esoteric realm, stands leaning on the doorpost, cool as a cucumber and says, “Good question, kid. At last you are learning to ask the right ones. Now just wait for the answer.”
The answers are bitter pills to begin with. I never trusted my creative expression. Not for a moment did I let myself believe what I really love doing can and will pay my bills. I let someone else take the risk and the responsibility. I was willing to tag along, toe the line. Everyone needs a job, that’s what people do and so did I and worked hard for others. Become a slave to someone else’s creative organization. And now my spirit is suffocatiing and pleading me to get out. Deep breath.
That I am still here must mean I have yet to prepare myself to take that responsibility. My spirit is standing by, reminding me everyday that’s what I must do…….. that’s what I must do. Meanwhile I am so grateful to the folks I work for that they take the risk, they create a place where I can come and give my hours in exchange of my rent and other bills. One of these days, I have promised myself, I will be working at a place that I enjoy. I am getting ready.
And what about this relationship? What about this partner of mine who was going to make me happy on all counts, support and love me forever? Why do we keep getting into these unpleasant entanglements? Why am I still here? Why do I hang on to him, and he to me? It’s old habit, you say? No?
Old habit, may be, but when did I lose sight of love. I made him such a part of me that now I take him for granted every moment, as I do my hands and feet. My eyes and teeth. When he shovels the snow, paints the basement, replaces the window, fixes the furnace ….. oh of course he is suppoed to do that, isn’t he the guy? But why won’t he also do all this other stuff which really I would like to do but don’t have the guts, the conviction or the wherewithal to go and do by myself? Like learning to dance…….. I’d leave in a heartbeat but for the fact thet he pays half the mortgage and I don’t make that much money.
The truth I am trying to accept here is that I am solely responsible for creating this too. Aaaaargh!!!
And how would I change it if I lose sight of love? Isn’t that the juice? My inner guide is still leaning on doorpost snickering away, “You are getting it, kid, don’t stop now!!”
Hmmm. Through the eyes of love again then, I guess, it is time to see it all through the eyes of love. Nothing and no one can be take for granted any more. Not their job to make me feel better. No one else is responsible. So thank you, and you and you and you. Thank you today for who you are, what you do and what you add to my life.
Thank you also for what feels like you are taking away without equally returning the favor. Thanks for the reminder. That I am still here must only mean I am utterly blind to the compensation, because I have so taken it for granted. Energies must necessarily be in some degree of balance in order to let the situation exist.
Whew!!! The head spins. Awareness is the first step to making changes. I am. I will. It is set in motion. It is my life and I am the creator.
Malabika
Your Energy Guide
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Now that is an old cliché. So I had thought for a long time -- an old cliché.
But that started to change when I began to dance the tango in earnest. This dance form, the South American version that is -- the social dance with the classical flavor -- is one of the best metaphors I have come across for relationships. Let me explain.
This dance is primarily a conversation between the partners. No words, just movements. Around a theme, typically provide by the music – just like a common factor that starts up any relationship. One starts the conversation, the other joins in and makes it engaging – whatever the level of that conversation maybe.
Simple. Aha… not so. That was my first lesson. Learning to listen. If one is not a good listener, particularly of the subtle moves, no conversation is about to ensue. Right? Also lesson one in Relationships 101 – listen first if you wish to connect. I really had to work hard on that and succeeded only when I released some old ideas and beliefs about dancing (read ‘relationships’).
Then there is this thing about the ‘axis’ – learning to be on one’s own axis, moving the axis, giving, shifting, holding and so on. During the entire dance one is always aware of the relationship of the two ‘axes’. To me this is about taking responsibility for ourselves in a relationship, and always being aware how my actions affect the other – pulling, pushing, controlling, leaning….. The call is neither to allow oneself to be carried, nor to push. Give and receive. Lead and follow. Initiate and respond. Don’t take over. The conversation then gets interesting. The partners will from time to time create a common axis, or weave around the others. The elegance is in the intricacies of these weaves.
When we create that relationship, new depths are revealed. One takes a new and complex turn. It may throw the other off for a moment, but herein is the challenge to grow and continue the conversation at a yet deeper level. As long as we listen, and remain tuned in to our connection, it is hard to go wrong. But that certainly won't take place if we are being sloppy, or lazy or unmindful. See any connection with relationships?
And as we continue, we learn to savor the dance as we do any precious relationship. It is inviting, fun, warm and invigorating. Sometimes passionate and alluring, one may take the conversation wherever one chooses to. And there is always more to discover. Make sure the music that both partners enjoy is still playing. If one tunes out, that would be the end of the conversation, the dance, the relationship.
If you are good at one chances are you'll be good at the other. As someone said, “tango is a three minute love affair”.
Tango anyone?
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The world has so much life to offer, rich and abundant. How much of it have we trained ourselves to receive? This is the question that I have been asking myself (and my clients). Here is what comes up.
Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin, right? You have heard that before. And really for the most part we have little trouble giving. We are happy to give our time, effort, love, service and even much more. But when it comes to receiving, something goes awry.
Commonly there is one big problem and that is we define who I will receive from. And this becomes hugely limiting because this operates both as the necessary and sufficient condition.
Here’s how it works. ‘Here, let me help you out you poor needy thing, who does not have much; I have so much compassion for you and your lot; here take from me, my endless source; I love it that I can give to you. What, you want to give me something back in return? No, no, no, please don’t. You need that more than I do.’
Now is there anyhting wrong with the giving? No of course not. Giving is generous, magnanimous and noble. It is the corresponding part that is out of balance — the refusal to receive. Think of a time when someone offered you something and you refused to receive it — a meal, money maybe, a gift, a lift, a compliment, an opportunity or something else. And instead of just saying thank you, you said something else. Ask yourself the question, what is your belief that stops you from receiving this from this person. You are sure to find a bunch of beliefs and perceptions bordering on ‘ your stuff is not good enough, it’s too little, too much, I don’t deserve it, or I deserve more, you can’t afford it, etc. etc. and so forth.’ These are the limiting beliefs that keeps you from absorbing life in greater doses. It also keeps you comparing and separate from source.
The second part of this problem is probably even worse. We think we are ready to receive life in great abundance but we have decided who and where that will come from. So we tether our boat to this anchor and refuse to let go. We then complain how my determined source is diminishing my life — is negative, does not do much, does not pay attention, does not …., is not…., cannot …., will not…… etc.” Meanwhile the river of life is going by in abundant flow and we are missing it all. There is enough out there, maybe not where I am looking to receive from.
Takes courage to let go and let God, doesn’t it? So the question remains, how much am I really ready to receive? How large is my container, how strong, how elastic, how flexible, how free and most of all how courageous?
And as always it comes from the heart connection. Enjoy receiving.
Malabika Shaw.
www.VisionWholistic.net
www.SoulMagnificent.com
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Ever been frustrated or angry?
No one has ever escaped that. Once you learn to look at the deeper source of anger suddenly it becomes a gift – an opportunity for greater awareness and growth.
Here’s how.
As long as something works for us, we do not feel this discomfort. As long as we feel that the person (or group or organization or system) we are engaged with gives us something valuable in exchange of the energy that we invest, it all works well. It is an even energy exchange. The problem begins when we start to feel that the exchange is not fair. Somehow we are not receiving what we deserve. We are being taken for granted. We are not being given our rightful value by someone else.
It somehow feels that the other wields the power and we have none. Hence, frustration, anger, resentment and what have you.
There is a whole different side to this story that we completely miss – the energy interpretation, the spiritual side. When this happens it is our inner spirit whispering to us “you can do better than that; you deserve better than that; you now need to value yourself more and shift this relationship to a whole new footing; you have the desire, the power within to make that happen; the time is coming”.
The only reason why we hold on to that relationship is because we are afraid to move and those patterns somehow give us safety.
However, all of this is in our own minds – in our beliefs, perceptions and judgments.
Once we are able to see it this way, we can also take our power back. The awareness itself gives us choices. We may not always be in a position to make the changes we desire immediately, but just knowing that the process of change has started is in itself liberating.
It gives us a chance to acknowledge our fears, our beliefs and our judgments that now no longer serve. Now then we can systematically release those.
So next time you feel angry or frustrated look for the gift.
“Remember, if the life you are leading has the resources to produce within you a specific desire, then the resources also exist for your full receiving, or manifestation, of that desire.” — Abraham
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” I want to thank you for helping us see our relationship in a new way. It is an unusual road we have traveled, and a different place we are at…… I appreciate the way you approached us and feel like it was a huge step forward.”
One of the most common feedback I recieve from my clients, as the one quoted above, is that they are able to see the same old things from a whole new perspective. “I never thought of it that way” or “I much prefer seeing it this way” are also common exclamations.
This is the whole point.
Our minds get grooved easily into existing patterns, old molds, handed down beliefs, traditions, programs, collective mind set and very soon go round and round in the same circuit. Unconsciously we keep slipping back into that groove. New books and ideas help change some. But the real courage needed to make significant changes comes only from the inner spirit, the deeper wisdom of the self.
And all I do is scratch the surface to help them get an insight into their inner conflict and viola, they have a whole new perspective. It is such a relief, such a breath of fresh air, like a window to freedom just got opened up.
The perspective from inner spirit is decidedly different from that of the mind. It is quite upside down or downside up if you will. Takes some courage to adopt such a perspective. But when the pain of remaining stuck becomes more than one can bear, we are all able to muster the courage. Such, at least, is my experience.
Want to know more? Click here.
Your guide to energy resources,
Malabika
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