Archive for September, 2009

Sep 10 2009

It Takes Two to Tango

Posted by: Malabika in Ad lib, Relationships, Self Development, tags:

Tango

Now that is an old cliché. So I had thought for a long time -- an old cliché.

But that started to change when I began to dance the tango in earnest. This dance form, the South American version that is -- the social dance with the classical flavor -- is one of the best metaphors I have come across for relationships. Let me explain.

This dance is primarily a conversation between the partners. No words, just movements. Around a theme, typically provide by the music – just like a common factor that starts up any relationship. One starts the conversation, the other joins in and makes it engaging – whatever the level of that conversation maybe.

Simple. Aha… not so. That was my first lesson. Learning to listen. If one is not a good listener, particularly of the subtle moves, no conversation is about to ensue. Right? Also lesson one in Relationships 101 – listen first if you wish to connect. I really had to work hard on that and succeeded only when I released some old ideas and beliefs about dancing (read ‘relationships’).

Then there is this thing about the ‘axis’ – learning to be on one’s own axis, moving the axis, giving, shifting, holding and so on. During the entire dance one is always aware of the relationship of the two ‘axes’. To me this is about taking responsibility for ourselves in a relationship, and always being aware how my actions affect the other – pulling, pushing, controlling, leaning….. The call is neither to allow oneself to be carried, nor to push. Give and receive. Lead and follow. Initiate and respond. Don’t take over. The conversation then gets interesting. The partners will from time to time create a common axis, or weave around the others. The elegance is in the intricacies of these weaves.

When we create that relationship, new depths are revealed. One takes a new and complex turn. It may throw the other off for a moment, but herein is the challenge to grow and continue the conversation at a yet deeper level. As long as we listen, and remain tuned in to our connection, it is hard to go wrong. But that certainly won't take place if we are being sloppy, or lazy or unmindful. See any connection with relationships?

And as we continue, we learn to savor the dance as we do any precious relationship. It is inviting, fun, warm and invigorating. Sometimes passionate and alluring, one may take the conversation wherever one chooses to. And there is always more to discover. Make sure the music that both partners enjoy is still playing. If one tunes out, that would be the end of the conversation, the dance, the relationship.

If you are good at one chances are you'll be good at the other. As someone said, “tango is a three minute love affair”.

Tango anyone?

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Sep 01 2009

Ready to Receive?

Posted by: Malabika in Ad lib, Articles, Personal Empowerment growth and development, Relationships, Spiritual Development, tags: , , ,

The world has so much life to offer, rich and abundant. How much of it have we trained ourselves to receive? This is the question that I have been asking myself (and my clients). Here is what comes up.

Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin, right? You have heard that before. And really for the most part we have little trouble giving. We are happy to give our time, effort, love, service and even much more. But when it comes to receiving, something goes awry.

Commonly there is one big problem and that is we define who I will receive from. And this becomes hugely limiting because this operates both as the necessary and sufficient condition.

Here’s how it works. ‘Here, let me help you out you poor needy thing, who does not have much; I have so much compassion for you and your lot; here take from me, my endless source; I love it that I can give to you. What, you want to give me something back in return? No, no, no, please don’t. You need that more than I do.’

Now is there anyhting wrong with the giving? No of course not. Giving is generous, magnanimous and noble. It is the corresponding part that is out of balance — the refusal to receive. Think of a time when someone offered you something and you refused to receive it — a meal, money maybe, a gift, a lift, a compliment, an opportunity or something else. And instead of just saying thank you, you said something else. Ask yourself the question, what is your belief that stops you from receiving this from this person. You are sure to find a bunch of beliefs and perceptions bordering on ‘ your stuff is not good enough, it’s too little, too much, I don’t deserve it, or I deserve more, you can’t afford it, etc. etc. and so forth.’ These are the limiting beliefs that keeps you from absorbing life in greater doses. It also keeps you comparing and separate from source.

The second part of this problem is probably even worse. We think we are ready to receive life in great abundance but we have decided who and where that will come from. So we tether our boat to this anchor and refuse to let go. We then complain how my determined source is diminishing my life — is negative, does not do much, does not pay attention, does not …., is not…., cannot …., will not…… etc.” Meanwhile the river of life is going by in abundant flow and we are missing it all. There is enough out there, maybe not where I am looking to receive from.

Takes courage to let go and let God, doesn’t it? So the question remains, how much am I really ready to receive? How large is my container, how strong, how elastic, how flexible, how free and most of all how courageous?

And as always it comes from the heart connection. Enjoy receiving.

Malabika Shaw.
www.VisionWholistic.net
www.SoulMagnificent.com

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